You say hi, you say I
haven’t seen you in a while.
You ask how i’m going now
and I tell you okay. I tell you i am
healthy. Smiling more.
Eating enough each day.
I tell you I have been
reborn. A boy in my class called me innocent
I tell you people love me
and I am okay.
What I don’t tell you is this - sometimes
I’m not. I had three shots of coffee
just to stay awake today and some nights
when no one else is home I tell myself
I don’t deserve
a bed and force myself to sleep
on the bathroom floor instead.
There are days I convince myself I’ll be fine
on a juice cleanse. Or just green tea
and peppermints. I run off any weight I gain.
Sometimes I am trying so hard
to keep on top of things that I forgot to breathe
for weeks on end.
You ask me how I’m doing
and I tell you people love me
and I am okay. What I don’t say
is that people love me
and so I am killing myself
to always look that way.
written by when an old friend asks you how you are, l.w.